rich. annoying, funny, frustrating, boring. can be discontented with wadeva i have aft enough time has passed; nv contented- i always wan sthg more better wad i dun have, when i've wad i din have.

but things CAN be better cant they.

seems my capacity for crap and tickling stuff has increased. understand why things are funny and why pple laugh at them but not enough to stimulate my laugh muscles. cldnt even laugh at my own joke when the rest seemed to roll over with stomach cramps. aint tt power sia, or sthg more serious?

feel me stupid. feel behind. cant seem to grasp wad pk is doing. btw, we both have the same bdae! tt makes her the 6th on my list liao... amazing. and lab seems boring already. esi-ms, vecking, freezepumpthaw, tlc, breaking things- broke ANOTHEr schlenk tube wadde- i'm sick of them all. why?? they seemed so interesting at first! why is it so routine now?? why cant i be excited? damn. wad to do?? get bored of fyp, bored of wkg, of living.

cant stay on things. teach? 1 mth ok, mayb even 12. 2 yrs? 12?? run ard thieves? stay in chem lab? analyse sample? take blood and finger prints for life?? open shop sell plants for eternity?? WAD AM I TO DOO??? o dear.

pple makes me sick even. alone is no gd, boring. some days pple are gd. NO NO if pple everyday. pple everywhere, 18h of the day, 9h nonstop talking and listening, paying attention to hazards and bearing with caustic remarks and drilling tones and repetitive grouses- much like the hum of cranky bus- and receiving instructions and smiling and acting frenly and happy- i NOE i dun, my face is a book in abc eng- and laughing at silly stuff that pple think are ABSolutely witty and ingenious. hate putting up a front of calmness and acceptance. i DUN. i hate u. the world for shaping me lidat. wheres me?? my likes? it deserted me. clueless.

i panic. i hate not noeing. i'm trying, give me a chance. i'm crude. fierce. fiery. ignorant. how? and lazy. i'm dragged.

sick. grossed. my life's a mess. erratically ordered. i dun wan it-lidat. do bigger things. not carry out useless expts, hitting and missing, wasting time on mechanisms. i wan to noe, where mountains get carved into tigers, where water is hard and gives diarhoea, where cheese is for breakfast and dinner, where pianos are common like salt, where the sun nv sets, where the penguins hide for adolescence, where jam is stored in barns, where kings drink blood, where vampires sleep.